Stepping off the train
Absorbing chaotic life
Dreamy eyed, she smiled.
Through the rushing crowds
That did not look at faces
Unseen, she walked by
This grass looked greener
Across her sub-urban fence
To feel it, she came
But it had no dew
Perfect fake grass with no bugs
Her first 'bitter truth'
The plastic green blades
On land that was barren
Spoke about its people
Those painted faces
With unhappy eyes
Spread like cancer in time
Seasons changed
But the fruits remained the same
...Hard to find sour grapes
The rains came and went
But the glorious rat race
Seemed to have no end
Beautiful city
With it's opportunities
Could not hold her back
Bag in hand, she walked
Amidst chaotic crowds
To find what she had lost
Extruding the pain
She stepped into the train
That took her back home
In still waters, She
Looked back into her eyes
To find scars and lies
And then a tear drop
Washed off the grime,
Unveiling a wee ray of joy.
Written And Compiled for Haiku Heights. Prompt word: Urban
I hope to have achieved the aim of making each Haiku stand independently while still contributing to the compilation as a whole. Hope you enjoy it!
4 comments:
Wonderful composition Payelle!! I am no expert but here is what I feel honestly, each of the Haiku is independent yes but not all of them adhere to the prompt, at least that is what I feel... But the overall composition is simply brilliant!! The first three, the fifth and the one about rat race have come out really well :)
Thank you Reshma, I appreciate the feedback:)I agree that the last two do not resonate with 'Urban' but I feel like the others do... no? Thank you for reading them and for taking the effort to leave the comment:)
Yes Payelle except 4,7, and the last two the others do resonate very well with the theme...But like I said the overall poem does resound with urban very well:)
Much appreciated feedback! I feel the 4th one talks about perfection through fake grass which does not collect dew...something common in most urban patios and gardens... And in the 7th one again, like in most cities, many seasonal fruits are available year round...and grapes are always sweet, rarely sour... making it more perfect, less natural... and more urban.
At the same time, I agree that they are less direct, and 'Urban' is not really the core of these individual haiku :( Once again, thanks for reading and giving me your honest feedback:)
Post a Comment