I’m 31. Well, 31 plus a few months. In a year, I’ll be 32. My first baby is definitely coming after my 32nd birthday. When s/he turns 5, I’ll definitely be over 37. I wish at 37 I could just sip on wine by the poolside, but I know that’s not happening. I know my fun outings will likely be in an ‘amusement’ park, where I’d be acting like I’m enjoying myself. I hope I don’t go crazy by 40. Now why am I talking about amusement parks and going crazy? Here’s why.
Recently I’ve had my in-laws visit us and they have a cute little 18 month old daughter. We took them to Universal Studios and showed them around. We went on rides, turn by turn, in twos, so that one couple could take care of the baby while the other went on the ride.
In mid July, Universal Studios was cooler than expected, but still had us perspiring and parched. And Tired.
Every time I saw the baby's mother, I felt sorry to see how tired she was, for the baby wanted all her attention and obviously needed to have her diaper changed every few hours; and fed every few hours; and if bored, then carried in each of our arms; and if too tired of being seated in the stroller, then left free in the park - with one of us running behind her and the other unsuccessfully trying to fit into the comfort of the stroller.
In mid July, Universal Studios was cooler than expected, but still had us perspiring and parched. And Tired.
Every time I saw the baby's mother, I felt sorry to see how tired she was, for the baby wanted all her attention and obviously needed to have her diaper changed every few hours; and fed every few hours; and if bored, then carried in each of our arms; and if too tired of being seated in the stroller, then left free in the park - with one of us running behind her and the other unsuccessfully trying to fit into the comfort of the stroller.
And every time we switched for rides, the baby wanted to be with the ones who were going. So while she cried relentlessly when 2 of us walked away, the other 2 had to distract her, hoping she forgets about the ones that are going and stops crying (which she did, every time they disappeared).
So you see, my conclusion is that amusement parks make babies want ALL the energy they know they can possibly get out of people. Currently, at 31, I have the energy, but at 37, I will have to dig it out of my body. And not just energy, even attention will need to be dug out of my soul. For if I don’t, my short attention span will definitely earn me the ‘careless mother’ tag. Sigh! But let’s keep this discussion for another time.
Back to that day, in my head, all I could think of was:
‘What will I do when I get a baby? I will be too old and never have the energy to bring my baby to Disneyland and Universal Studios and all those parent killing amusement parks!!’ ... Amusement parks made of the man, by the man and for the man. By man, I mean the MALE in particular. To be honest, I have done little research into who made the first amusement park, yet, without any doubt I can say it was definitely a male of our species. Because everybody knows, they have always been this way. They do stuff, we regret.
But I’m not just complaining. I have a solution. I mean, amusement parks are good and all that, but they really need to act responsibly. There’s just too much pressure on parents and non-parents to take their kids out at present and in future to an amusement park. I, as a non-parent, feel the pressure as you can see.
So, the simplest solution is to set a minimum entry age of...um...18 at the amusement park. Now, was that too hard to think of? No! I mean, I came up with it just now, in less than a second. And I hope everybody reading this post passes it on for others to read, or starts some sort of a campaign or petition asking for such a rule to be enforced.
‘What will I do when I get a baby? I will be too old and never have the energy to bring my baby to Disneyland and Universal Studios and all those parent killing amusement parks!!’ ... Amusement parks made of the man, by the man and for the man. By man, I mean the MALE in particular. To be honest, I have done little research into who made the first amusement park, yet, without any doubt I can say it was definitely a male of our species. Because everybody knows, they have always been this way. They do stuff, we regret.
But I’m not just complaining. I have a solution. I mean, amusement parks are good and all that, but they really need to act responsibly. There’s just too much pressure on parents and non-parents to take their kids out at present and in future to an amusement park. I, as a non-parent, feel the pressure as you can see.
So, the simplest solution is to set a minimum entry age of...um...18 at the amusement park. Now, was that too hard to think of? No! I mean, I came up with it just now, in less than a second. And I hope everybody reading this post passes it on for others to read, or starts some sort of a campaign or petition asking for such a rule to be enforced.
And when the authorities ask "Why?" we’re making such demands, here are some of the reasons I came up with, quickly. (I’m sure you can come up with more, it’s such a common sense thing!)
- At 18, kids can visit amusement parks all by themselves without parents running behind them or cleaning their poop or wishing they had 5 clones.
- And trust me, without this rule, parents will soon have to make clones that look after their kids, so that they can get some time to breathe.
- Clones will make parks even more crowded than they already are.
- Making clones is not as economical an idea as making ‘18+ Only’ sign boards at the entrance of amusement parks.
- AND people like me who are thinking about having a baby, will just do it if the rule is enforced. We will feel less discouraged and worried about our lives and energy levels for the next 18-20 years.
The last reason, if you paid any attention, is the most important and significant of all. Because I know I’m not the only one out there, with these fears. There are many more like me. And although I will still have an offspring of my own, I know there are many smarter and stronger women who will not do that unless this rule is passed. And little by little, one day, humanity will come to an end. All because amusement parks do not have a minimum age restriction. Too big a price to pay for, right?
Well. I’m too tired now. I feel rested after expressing my honest opinions on amusement parks and the need for a minimum entry age, but I’m tired after thinking and typing so much. I can’t be blamed. I’m 31. I’m getting old. You can’t expect me to keep typing while you sit and relax and read and maybe even laugh at me. The writer-tiring internet made by the man for the man and of the man has to do something for people like us who have so much to write but are going to start a family after age 32 and are therefore obviously tired, even just by the thought of it.
